Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead: “Justice Has Been Done”

The Galactic EmpireTimes is announcing the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi:

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

*****

“No Stormtroopers were seriously harmed,” Lord Vader said. “They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, I defeated my former master and took custody of his body.” Jedi tradition requires burial within 24 hours, but by doing it in deep space, Imperial authorities presumably were trying to avoid creating a shrine for his followers.

Lord Vader has denied requests to present photographs of the body, describing them as “too gruesome” for the general public.

To see a photo of Lord Vader making the announcement and to read more about the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi and how the Imperial forces found the compound where Obi-Wan Kenobi was hiding visit The Galactic EmpireTimes online.

Claude Mariottini
Professor of Old Testament
Northern Baptist Seminary

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4 Responses to Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead: “Justice Has Been Done”

  1. Ilia Panayotov says:

    This article was absolutely hilarious! I checked out the comments below too – they talked about Vader’s birth certificate and so on… :D

  2. arabkingdom says:

    Hello Dr. Claude Mariottini,

    I am discussing the Holy Bible with Muslims and one of them asked me
    about a well described in Genesis (where Hagar was given water).
    I explained them that she saw 2 wells.
    One was located in Beersheba desert.and another one (called Beer Lahai Roi) was located
    is between Kadesh and Bered.

    Could you please help me to explain where are these wells? Do they exist today?

    Here you can see what I told them. If I am wrong please correct me:

    Brothers, look at the facts concerning Ishmael and his mother. The well which God showed Hagar was in Beersheba,
    not very far from where Abraham had previously lived. It was in South Canaan.

    Brothers, note that that even the first well found by Hagar, when she was pregnant, could not be the Zamzam well! Therefore the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; observe, it is between Kadesh and Bered. But why? Because even this well called Beer Lahai Roi was located on the road to Shur between Kadesh and Bered. The wilderness of Shur is a desert East of the Gulf of Suez. The position of Shur is defined (Genesis 25:18) as being “opposite Egypt on the way to Assyria.” After crossing the Red Sea (Exodus 15:4) the Hebrews entered the desert of Shur (Exodus 15:22), which extended southward a distance of three days’ journey. It is again noticed (1 Samuel 15:7) as being opposite Egypt, and (1 Samuel 27:8) as near Egypt. There is thus no doubt of its situation, on the East of the Red Sea, and of the Bitter Lakes. Bered is a town in the south of Israel. Kadesh, or Kadesh-Barnea was located north of the Sinai Peninsula between the Wilderness of Paran and the Wilderness of Zin. Thus, history and the Holy Bible/Taurat say that both wells (the first and the second wells) could not be located in Mecca! Why? Because Palestine cannt be considered by us as Saudi Arabia! The same way like America is not Saudi Arabia! You still want to say that Saudi Arabia could be Canaan? Ibrahim lived in the Land of Canaan according to orders of God and Taurat lists borders for the land of Canaan. In the Taurat (Numbers 34:2) includes the phrase “the land of Canaan as defined by its borders.” The borders are then delineated in Numbers 34:3–12. Read this chapter because these borders are the TERRITORY of the Holy Land defined by God and commanded to Moses and his people to take for everlasting possession. And on this land lived Ibrahim and on this land God blessed Ishmael and Hagar with water. This land can NEVER be Saudi Arabia because it is Israel/Palestine.

    Looking forward for your message. My e-mail: fadlofallah@hotmail.com

    Bahira Omar

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